Changes have been made according to these people’s wishes. The idea itself–to propose an alternative vision for the future of the neighborhood other than what the government would choose–has allowed all of its viewers to appreciate the intricate details of their surroundings as well as challenged us to imagine this neighborhood in a way that we like to see it look. 

As I live in this neighborhood, and have for over a year, I was quite excited to see what changes locals wanted. The responses were certainly mixed. First, there are some practical things. As it is an automotive district, one person suggested a clinic next to Townhouse for injured mechanics. There were other suggestions of more garbage cans and more plants. One person even suggested putting a football field in part of the palace/ former school. 

Then, there were other suggestions. A KFC next to the Tekeeba ahwa was one that disturbed me… Other suggestions were metal detectors, security and cameras in front of the palace. It’s kind of ironic though, right? That you would give people the change to imagine a better neighborhood, and what do we get? A medical clinic, a KFC and metal detectors?

But it wasn’t until I was walking down Shar’3 Sherif today that I thought: ‘Toto, we’re not in Berlin anymore.’ I passed a street bookseller when a familiar face caught my eye: Adolf Hitler. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was an Arabic translation of Mein Kampf. (Please see the “Cairo’s Conspiracies” post to fully appreciate this.) So, just to make my point… Of the, say, thirty books this vender was selling, Mein Kampf was one of them. 

Not only this! It just happened to be placed immediately next to a biography of Dr. Martin Luther King! … Hitler… Dr. King… God, the irony. Cairo, how I’ve missed your lunacy.

Just wanted to write a quick note to apologize for not updating lately. I’m in Berlin and exploring this great wonder of a city. I’m back in Cairo early next week so stay tuned.

Viele Gruesse,

deine OumPushkina

I was in Russia long enough to know that 8 March is no ordinary day. So what kind of ‘mother of Pushkin’ would I be if I didn’t wish you a happy international women’s day!

Here’s a quote from Simone De Beauvoir:

Since I was 21, I have never been lonely. The opportunities granted to me at the beginning helped me not only to lead a happy life but to be happy in the life I led. I have been aware of my shortcomings and my limits, but I have made the best of them. When I was tormented by what was happening in the world, it was the world I wanted to change, not my place in it.

(from her work All Said and Done)

PS. If you believe there should be an international man’s day, petition here.

As I was being shampooed up by an Egyptian woman who was complimenting me so much I was starting to become nervous, my friend came and asked me to translate for her, “BLONDE. NO HIGHLIGHTS. NO HIGHLIGHTS. ALL BLONDE.” 

Well, a half an hour later thanks to my lovely new Lebanese hair dresser–who, by the way, I was sure was gay until he asked me to marry him…. four times–I had a new haircut. When I went to check on my friend, she was split end to ear in very smelly bleach hair dye. Eeek. 

She called, “Sasha, Sasha, my scalp is burning. Seriously. BURNING. Can you tell them that???”

Ughhh.. My Arabic didn’t stretch that far unfortunately and I was just left with a “Law sama7ti… Bussy, uhh, da mish kwayyis. Hatakhalas emta?” 

The highlight of my week is the following moment: Only in Egypt could a Danish girl smoke her cigarettes while reclined and covered in hair dye while the Egyptian girl continues to lather the dye, the Lebanese stylist carefully overlooks the procedure and me? Drinking my 10 LE shai ben3n3 of course. Oh Cairo.

I came home about an hour later only to hear my bowab (who I’m fairly certain has never seen a computer up close) tell me about the foreigners who were rushed to a nearby hospital and the French teenager who was killed. 

All of us expats in Cairo were pretty alarmed as Khan El Khalili is our weekly source of new shishas, presents for friends and new sheets. Although I’ve never sat at those cafes in the midaan where the blast took place, I was walking in that very square only a few days before the bomb. 

Of course Egyptians are talking, and of course the government is doing positively nothing but randomly arresting three Egyptian men they’ve deemed “suspects.” Last night, on my very long taxi ride from West al Balad to Zamalek, my taxi driver mentioned the bomb. I quote, 

“Yeah.. it’s haram. But I’ll you one thing. The one thing I’m sure of: It wasn’t an Egyptian who did this. Egyptians don’t do things like that.”

Me: “Oh really?… So who do you think it was?” (praying that he wouldn’t blame it on Palestinians)

Taxi driver: “Well, I don’t know. It could have been the Israelis… Or who knows? The Palestinians maybe. They’ve been pretty upset about the situation in Gaza.” 

And again, Egyptian anti-Palestinian rears its ugly head.

But after yesterday’s attack, I’m starting to wonder if this is the beginning of a stronger anti-foreigner sentiment.

And when you hear a conspiracy theory coming on, you can guess their blame is on the usual suspects: the Jews and the Israelis. Sure George Bush and the Chinese have their fair share of conspiracy as well. 

Here are a few that come to my head that you might appreciate. Sure, everyone has heard one of their Egyptian friends muttering something about how Bush created 9/11… Hell, I’ve even heard one Egyptian blame 9/11 on the rising power of the Chinese as a way to set back the Arab world (… yeah.)

But let’s get to the juicy ones. The Jews and their weather control technology. This is pretty well known in Cairo and by far the most famous, but just incase you’ve never heard, you might it quite amusing. It has become quite common to attribute the 2004 Tsunami in Indonesia to the Jews and their extraordinary ability to control the weather… Yes, you did actually just read that.

Why Indonesia, you ask? Simple! They hate Muslims, so of course they would attack the largest living Muslim population in the world. 

I say: If Indonesia really is so treasured as the largest Muslim population in the world, then why are there so many runaway Indonesian maids in the Gulf?

There are also conspiracy theories that kind of make you think. After the latest war in Gaza, a new conspiracy theory connected major internet service breakdowns in Egypt with Israeli attacks in Gaza.  There was a massive internet outage in late December,  just days before the attacks in Gaza began. There was also a outage in Egypt during February 2008 coincidentally when strong Israeli military aggression was taken by Israeli in response to Hamas rockets, resulting the deaths of over 100 Gaza residents. You have to admit, it’s a pretty funny coincidence. 

Then, there are the conspiracy theories clearly invented by Egyptian men to excuse their shortcomings (interpret ‘shortcomings’ as you will ).

I recently heard a conspiracy that an Israeli company was exporting belts (regular belts to fasten pants) which magically made it so that Egyptian men could not fuck their wives. These magical belts induced a chemical reaction to Egyptian male private parts which made it difficult (and certainly not ‘hard’) for men to get it up.  

If you’ve heard of anymore, please feel free to add them in comments. Happy conspiracy theorizing, everyone!

I have to admit, I didn’t really want to go tonight. The “Palestinian bandwagon” and activists are two social circles that I tend to avoid when possible. Don’t get me wrong- it’s not that I’m not interested in Palestine or social activism, I just can’t stand the mind-numbing amount of group think and selfish political masturbation that usually hovers around these groups. I too lived in Jerusalem for a summer where I was surrounded by several ignorant but ardent ISM activists.

Well, try as I might not to like the bloke, I was overall impressed by Philip’s character and presentation. The documentary was a small window into the lives of select Palestinian farmers and rural residents both in Gaza and the West Bank. Nothing immediately ground-breaking, especially if one has travelled/ lived or taken significant interest in contemporary Palestinian society. His approach to the documentary however- to show the lives of everyday people rather than politicians, journalists and activists was a breath of fresh air. 

As any major event downtown, you can guess that I was sitting at Al Hurraya not long after the screening, which quickly turned into Philip Rizk fan club’s first official meeting. One of my girlfriend’s : “He’s been abducted. He’s sexy…. Oh, and he has manly facial hair!”

I’m not sure how sexy abduction is, but what I enjoyed about Philip and his documentary was that it  didn’t seem like another student rambling off text book resistance methods and filming a couple of shots of Palestinians while releasing his own political angst. On the contrary, Philip and his documentary demonstrated a keen, sincere and conscious interest in the individual lives of people. Well done, Philip.

With my infinite desire to modernise bedouin aesthetic, I’ve grown quite accustomed to putting on eyeliner -if only eyeliner- on in the morning. However, recently, with our increasingly spring weather and strong sun, I made the mistake last week of not wearing eyeliner and I could barely open my eyes in the middle of the afternoon. The black around your eyes, believe it or not, really makes a difference.  

So, ladies, there you go. I’ve given you an excuse now. If you’re like me and always seem to lose sunglasses, eyeline yourself up. It’s now not only orientalise yourself, it’s practical!… Just don’t overdo it. It is still daylight and it’s not Halloween.

the tower has babel has fallen. greetings from cairo.

Although English is the primary language spoken amongst expats and between expats and Egyptians, French is also widely used. In fact, there’s not one day that I don’t speak some French at work/ ahwas/ home. German is also growing in usage thanks in large part to the phenomenon of relationships between German women and Egyptian men in Cairo. 

Both of my flatmates (Danish and English, although both native Arabic speakers) are starting Spanish lessons soon. And last week, I began a German-English language exchange.  Oh oh only in Cairo.

And then there’s Englishized Arabic. Last night, an Egyptian friend said, “Aizeen nershteri beera? We’la mumkin n3mal jointet,” which means “You guys wanna buy some beer? Or could could roll some joints.” 

Jointet, coming from the English word “joint” adding the “et” ending (Arabic’s plural feminine form).

Tu vois? Masr. Oum El Dounia.